Will I never post again?
May. 30th, 2006 07:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
polyhordeSo much to catch up on, and I don’t have the time right now, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. Ahhh!!
*Three Musketeers
*End of official classes (doing research as I wrote my AK project, happy with the final exam: kissed Ken, Kelli, Bob, and a protesting Andrew)
*Led the All School Hug/ Flower/ Outfit
*Pride Prom: Ellie, Andrew and Co., Dessert at Village Inn, Riley turned male and Hot!
*Intensives: Messy and frustrating but oddly relaxing
*X 3 – so much fun, so good, must see again
*Justin – Back-story: Got to know Cody and saw him in Little Shop (butt wiggle). Joined DDF, found him instantly attractive-clever, good humored, doing impressions with Jesse and Ernie. He and Ernie got kicked off the team for bad grades. Flying Dutchman: Felt awkward and alone, saw a vaguely familiar face, went to talk to him. He was standing there with another boy about our age discussing a different opera, one that for a portion takes place beneath water. He was describing a mobile platform to simulate the actors “floating”. I asked why they simply couldn’t use pulleys (I’d just seen Finding Neverland) He said it wouldn’t possibly work because the actor would only be lifted up and down; they couldn’t swim across the stage. Then he turned his back on me and continued talking to the other man. I was snubbed by the only person I knew, I felt extremely out of my element and when he shot down my opinion it only compounded my feeling of “bumbling bumpkin”. No matter what I could do I couldn’t get that night out of my head, I called him harsh and cold and robotic, but only mentally. Then one particularly stressful day, at a Beauty rehearsal, I saw him, and being as direct as I am I asked him if he would mind being yelled at for a few minutes. He obliged me, we went off into an alcove and I proceeded to ask him why he was such an unfeeling bastard. I don’t really remember much of the conversation, just that I was angry as hell and as stupid as he had made me feel that exchange only pounded it home. During the course of it I apparently said, “Although you may be a shining star on the field of intellect you lack the common condition known as human decency” I wrote that in my journal two months before, I’m surprised I remembered it. He asked me if I was serious or whether I was making up things to be angry about, he apologized if he ever unintentionally insulted me, he said that he tried to be considerate and polite to everyone (with a few exceptions). He got away from me as quickly as possible leaving me flustered and thoroughly unsatisfied, you can’t get into a fight if the other half backs out. I felt guilty as sin for what I said and wrote him a brief letter of apology (which both my mother and Anthea said wasn’t necessary and may only make things worse). I have no idea what he thought of the note or the conversation but he seemed to accept them both and even if we didn’t like each other we were back on stable footing (for about two weeks). He got his grades back up and rejoined the team, and though I didn’t spend much time with him we seemed to be cooperating. At the time I was becoming closer to Aaron, a friend of his, and spent a good deal of one tourney in their company. After a day of my close proximity Justin he blew up at me, or as much as Justin can blow up. He turned to me, frustration creasing his brow, and said “Why must you comment on everything I say?” And it was true, I am ashamed to admit it but it was, every fact out of his mouth, if I was at all knowledgeable on the subject matter I would add in my five cents. We didn’t talk after that and I avoided him for the rest of the weekend. The next week I was informed by a friend of his, and former classmate of mine, that Justin absolutely hated me. We exchanged pleasantries when we had to but neither of us made any effort to contact the other. It wasn’t until October the next school year that things began to change. I was a day late for auditions for Frankenstein so I joined the tech crew instead. Having been involved at West for a year I new practically everyone involved in the production, Justin was one, as was Duncan, and my then future, now long done ex-boyfriend Brian. I don’t know any of this from the others’ perspectives but it seemed to me that as soon as I asked Brian to the movies his entire circle of friends seemed to simultaneously accept me. It might just have been a coincidence and I doubt I’ll ever know but suddenly everything was much more pleasant. The next time I can remember spending any time with him was at a DDF practice. A few of the new girls were doing a scene from The Producers, of which I am a fan, and both Justin and I critiqued it. We got into a disagreement about interpretation but we talked our way out, I hope the girls got something out of it but I think we had more fun discussing it between us. Justin is a Buddhist, that isn’t a defining characteristic but that is part of who he is, and for quite a few years now I’ve been interested in learning the principles of the faith. At the moment we’re in the middle of the . . . Truths? Revelations? I can’t recall the precise name but we’re going through a series of lectures over coffee. I’m still a little fuzzy as to how it happened but it suddenly seems as though we’ve become rather close friends. I went to his home to help his family with construction, mainly because it was a beautiful day I felt the urge for good company and hard labor. He, with the help of his three siblings, showed me his home (which is completely gorgeous and which I will have to kill him for). His little sister seemed to take a shine to me and his father appeared to appreciate my help, his stepmother however did not appear overly happy with my company. I had a heck of a time talking with him, which is all we ever do but it’s so fun I’m not sure I’d rather do something else, I confused him when I offered to make dinner (which amused me to no end, I love how easy that boy can get riled when he isn’t in control) because it seemed I was ransacking his kitchen. In response he made me something he referred to as “ambrosia” or “spiced tang” despite the odd name all I can say is: oh heavenly father it was delicious, a hot drink doesn’t fit well with a hot day but the glory of the taste made up for any discomfort. I was surprised when he and his little sister (Amber) “fought” over me, or as much as this family can fight, I would be highly surprised if young Layton (who is six) is not already involved in some field of higher study. Geniuses, and talented jerks too *Grrr* I teased the younglings during dinner and was lightly questioned by the father, afterward Justin and I left to go hang out with a few of his friends. I’ll be honest, it was a touch dull, mainly because I knew no one and all we did was watch a rather depressing movie, but I enjoyed my time anyway. On the way back to his house Justin surveyed me on his friends. I made him uncomfortable, apparently I am the only bisexual, female or otherwise, that he is acquainted with, and since I was grading each of his friends (all of which were female) from that perspective he got a bit “twitchy”. If he wants I think I may at least pretend to be heterosexual, however after three years of being so flamboyantly out of the closet I’m not quite sure how to climb back in again.
[There’s more but I’ll get to that later, and yes I am a freak who remembers this much]
*Getting felt up by a guy in Ren Faire, was he playing or . . .? (not a hot guy either)
*Damn you hormones, I’m in over drive for someone with XY chromosomes. Damn.
Gotta run, Love ~J
*Three Musketeers
*End of official classes (doing research as I wrote my AK project, happy with the final exam: kissed Ken, Kelli, Bob, and a protesting Andrew)
*Led the All School Hug/ Flower/ Outfit
*Pride Prom: Ellie, Andrew and Co., Dessert at Village Inn, Riley turned male and Hot!
*Intensives: Messy and frustrating but oddly relaxing
*X 3 – so much fun, so good, must see again
*Justin – Back-story: Got to know Cody and saw him in Little Shop (butt wiggle). Joined DDF, found him instantly attractive-clever, good humored, doing impressions with Jesse and Ernie. He and Ernie got kicked off the team for bad grades. Flying Dutchman: Felt awkward and alone, saw a vaguely familiar face, went to talk to him. He was standing there with another boy about our age discussing a different opera, one that for a portion takes place beneath water. He was describing a mobile platform to simulate the actors “floating”. I asked why they simply couldn’t use pulleys (I’d just seen Finding Neverland) He said it wouldn’t possibly work because the actor would only be lifted up and down; they couldn’t swim across the stage. Then he turned his back on me and continued talking to the other man. I was snubbed by the only person I knew, I felt extremely out of my element and when he shot down my opinion it only compounded my feeling of “bumbling bumpkin”. No matter what I could do I couldn’t get that night out of my head, I called him harsh and cold and robotic, but only mentally. Then one particularly stressful day, at a Beauty rehearsal, I saw him, and being as direct as I am I asked him if he would mind being yelled at for a few minutes. He obliged me, we went off into an alcove and I proceeded to ask him why he was such an unfeeling bastard. I don’t really remember much of the conversation, just that I was angry as hell and as stupid as he had made me feel that exchange only pounded it home. During the course of it I apparently said, “Although you may be a shining star on the field of intellect you lack the common condition known as human decency” I wrote that in my journal two months before, I’m surprised I remembered it. He asked me if I was serious or whether I was making up things to be angry about, he apologized if he ever unintentionally insulted me, he said that he tried to be considerate and polite to everyone (with a few exceptions). He got away from me as quickly as possible leaving me flustered and thoroughly unsatisfied, you can’t get into a fight if the other half backs out. I felt guilty as sin for what I said and wrote him a brief letter of apology (which both my mother and Anthea said wasn’t necessary and may only make things worse). I have no idea what he thought of the note or the conversation but he seemed to accept them both and even if we didn’t like each other we were back on stable footing (for about two weeks). He got his grades back up and rejoined the team, and though I didn’t spend much time with him we seemed to be cooperating. At the time I was becoming closer to Aaron, a friend of his, and spent a good deal of one tourney in their company. After a day of my close proximity Justin he blew up at me, or as much as Justin can blow up. He turned to me, frustration creasing his brow, and said “Why must you comment on everything I say?” And it was true, I am ashamed to admit it but it was, every fact out of his mouth, if I was at all knowledgeable on the subject matter I would add in my five cents. We didn’t talk after that and I avoided him for the rest of the weekend. The next week I was informed by a friend of his, and former classmate of mine, that Justin absolutely hated me. We exchanged pleasantries when we had to but neither of us made any effort to contact the other. It wasn’t until October the next school year that things began to change. I was a day late for auditions for Frankenstein so I joined the tech crew instead. Having been involved at West for a year I new practically everyone involved in the production, Justin was one, as was Duncan, and my then future, now long done ex-boyfriend Brian. I don’t know any of this from the others’ perspectives but it seemed to me that as soon as I asked Brian to the movies his entire circle of friends seemed to simultaneously accept me. It might just have been a coincidence and I doubt I’ll ever know but suddenly everything was much more pleasant. The next time I can remember spending any time with him was at a DDF practice. A few of the new girls were doing a scene from The Producers, of which I am a fan, and both Justin and I critiqued it. We got into a disagreement about interpretation but we talked our way out, I hope the girls got something out of it but I think we had more fun discussing it between us. Justin is a Buddhist, that isn’t a defining characteristic but that is part of who he is, and for quite a few years now I’ve been interested in learning the principles of the faith. At the moment we’re in the middle of the . . . Truths? Revelations? I can’t recall the precise name but we’re going through a series of lectures over coffee. I’m still a little fuzzy as to how it happened but it suddenly seems as though we’ve become rather close friends. I went to his home to help his family with construction, mainly because it was a beautiful day I felt the urge for good company and hard labor. He, with the help of his three siblings, showed me his home (which is completely gorgeous and which I will have to kill him for). His little sister seemed to take a shine to me and his father appeared to appreciate my help, his stepmother however did not appear overly happy with my company. I had a heck of a time talking with him, which is all we ever do but it’s so fun I’m not sure I’d rather do something else, I confused him when I offered to make dinner (which amused me to no end, I love how easy that boy can get riled when he isn’t in control) because it seemed I was ransacking his kitchen. In response he made me something he referred to as “ambrosia” or “spiced tang” despite the odd name all I can say is: oh heavenly father it was delicious, a hot drink doesn’t fit well with a hot day but the glory of the taste made up for any discomfort. I was surprised when he and his little sister (Amber) “fought” over me, or as much as this family can fight, I would be highly surprised if young Layton (who is six) is not already involved in some field of higher study. Geniuses, and talented jerks too *Grrr* I teased the younglings during dinner and was lightly questioned by the father, afterward Justin and I left to go hang out with a few of his friends. I’ll be honest, it was a touch dull, mainly because I knew no one and all we did was watch a rather depressing movie, but I enjoyed my time anyway. On the way back to his house Justin surveyed me on his friends. I made him uncomfortable, apparently I am the only bisexual, female or otherwise, that he is acquainted with, and since I was grading each of his friends (all of which were female) from that perspective he got a bit “twitchy”. If he wants I think I may at least pretend to be heterosexual, however after three years of being so flamboyantly out of the closet I’m not quite sure how to climb back in again.
[There’s more but I’ll get to that later, and yes I am a freak who remembers this much]
*Getting felt up by a guy in Ren Faire, was he playing or . . .? (not a hot guy either)
*Damn you hormones, I’m in over drive for someone with XY chromosomes. Damn.
Gotta run, Love ~J
no subject
Date: 2006-06-04 07:13 am (UTC)Sincerely.
laura
wtf. that was odd.
anyways,
see you around
L