(no subject)

First of all, I did not follow my advice and avoid my friends but I have given them a bit of breathing space. Something I realized we both needed. My depressed idiocy only made me do two rash, some what regrettable things. I called Paul because I've found man's voice calms me right down, I forgot that most boys need a reason for you to call them, especially if you aren't close. That was one very brief embarrassing conversation. The other thing was that I wrote Cody saying goodbye and I hope he had a nice life. He wrote me back asking what I was talking about. See, as embarrassing as it is I'll say it anyway. It hurts a lot when someone tells you they don't like you, it hurts so much more when you find out/suspect someone you thought liked you doesn't. One bad thing about having multiple IM addresses is people will block you on one name but not the other so there's a double take of 'whoa, you weren't there a second ago.' But maybe that's just me. I just wish this didn't keep happening to me. Ever since elementary I've had people smile in my face and then go "oh my god, she is so annoying *valley-girl hair flip*" Why the hell do people do that?! It pisses me off and it hurts like a sonofabitch when it happens to you.
End of the ranty note. This week has been pretty good. I actually know my lines for Carbuncle. I was surprised when I figured this out, there are still a few trouble spots but I know just about all of them with only a minor smattering of embellishment I ought to be able to weed out. This play is gonna be the death of me, I know it. Erin and I can't seem to agree on anything and whenever our opinions differ she has to argue as though because I feel differently I'm automatically wrong, I can see that in some arguments but in the ones we have it makes no sense to me. For instance, we're in Shakespeare together, this quarter we're breaking into small groups. Those groups choose a play, read it, and can either do a report/presentation on the play or they can perform it. I want to perform; Erin has had her fill of theater for the time being. This I can't understand, I have yet to reach my cap on too much art, but I can respect that she needs a breather. The thing is it's like I'm insulting her by wanting to do more than her play (for instance DDF starts next week, can't go/join since their rehearsals are at the same time as Carbuncle. I want to try out for Aladdin, can't, auditions are at the same time. I want to do an act for Steller's talent show, I showed the audition slip to Anthea as my way of asking if she wanted to do an act with me. Erin saw it and went "I'd like to remind you that you are already in a production, so do keep that in mind") as though she's shocked that the One scene of her fifty minute play I'm in hasn't leeched me of all my dramatic juices. I just don't understand her (because I just don't get her and because she pisses me off so I go an rant about her to people like Anthea and my Mother and I hate doing that, it isn't like they have an opinion on the matter - well, Anthea does but,), and when I tried to be honest and get our anger out in the open she firmly denied her dislike of me. I would try again but I'm worried about what that would do in terms of the play, also how that would affect Anthea who is very sick of our bickering. I would try very hard not to complain to her but I can't say the same for Erin.
On to a happier note. I went to West's Band/Orchestra concert. The orchestra was lovely, I love the sound of good strings. The band (featuring the talents of Anthea and Ellie and several other acquaintances) performed the musical rendition of Dante's Devine Comedy. It was so wonderful. Not only were all the members very talented but the piece itself was phenomenal, they had a synopsis of the story in the program so all the little extras made sense. I need a copy of it.
I gotta get to bed. Night ~J