(no subject)

Ok, to all three of you who read this, and not very often at that, I want to apologize. I was going over my past entries, and I realize that all I've talked about since bloody October is bloody Cody, I shouldn't bore you with such things, so I either need to stop thinking about it or stop writing about him. Hopefully the former. But I've been having troubles with it this past week especially. For the past month I've lived, almost exclusively, in my own head and needless to say the two worlds are quite different. This past week has been disorienting most especially because the lines between fantasy and reality have blurred and I can't focus, time with people ought to cure that but until then I have to fight the little wants in my head. Nothing big, like frenching him in the halls but little things I would do if I was dating him like kissing him hello, or hugging a little too long, and, most irritating, touching him when we talk (I happen to put a lot of stock in physical intimacy, and I don't mean anything sexual, I mean . . . well if you don't understand taking comfort from physical touch I don't think I can explain it).
All right, enough of that.
Rehearsals have been going all right. We need work but I'm hoping it will be a good show. Some of the leads are . . . let's just say they would not be my first choices for some of these parts *coughtalentcough* There are these two girls in the cast that - give me pause shall we say. One is far too loud (pot calling the kettle black I know) and too in-your-face for someone who's name I don't know. And there is this other young girl, who actually attends Steller so, and I hate to say it, I can't get away from her. She's like a yapping dog, too perky, too eager to please, she has the sort of feel to her that suggests that if someone she hero worshiped (which is kinda me, which is just freaky!) said "Oh I love N*Sync" or "I hate Godsmack", the girl would change her opinion to fit, no matter what she actually felt. That's it! She's mindless, a bit of clay longing to be formed, which is just plain creepy!
Classes started again today. Alaska studies could be very bad but here's hoping. Deep Ecology (excessively liberal and tuahgt by one of the mother-load leftist commies) was . . . interesting but it could be quite preachy very quickly. I have MicroBio and 'Acting' tomorrow so we'll see how that goes.
What else . . .
Oh, Ellie, sweet girl, she's come to camp the past few years (actually she bit me the other day and the bruise is still tender) told me to stop playing modest, that I know people talk about me and that I shouldn't act like they don't. It does surprise me, I don't get why I, specifically, would be a topic for discussion. I may have my moments but I'm not very interesting and I'm hardly exceptional. It just doesn't make sense.
I got back with Peggy (my vocal teacher) after four years we started lessons up again. It's fun, a lot like I remember, except less exercises. And three songs into my second lesson she stopped the tape and said
P: I have two questions
Me: Shoot, sure
P: One, how are you at doing research papers
M: Uh . . . that would depend on what they're for but all right I guess
P: And the other is how do you feel about dying your hair red?
M: Ha! Why?
P: Because I have a show in march for St. Patrick's Day and . . .
So if I put in the work I have a gig, two weekends in March. If I do three things, write a paper, get an Irish accent, and dye my hair red, all do able I think.
On a different note I think Anthea is getting as sick with Erin as I am. Erin just wouldn't let up today, she usually doesn't come on that thick all at once. I didn't really care, I just didn't say anything, I'm past the point of caring. Poor Anthea had to soothe Erin's bruised ego, due to our inattentiveness. She is a bitch, I hate to say it but the girl has problems that I had wanted to help her fix but I just don't think I can handle her without getting violent. She is just so - dreadful.
Anthea and I tried to sing bits and pieces of 'Wicked' at lunch today, lovely musical. Anthea got the sheet music for Christmas. She isn't a naturally talented pianist, she had to teach herself and she has to push every step of the way to learn a piece, for which I admire her greatly.
I've been missing hearing from everyone, I'm not a very independent creature, I like talking to others and just being with them, it calms me down.
Oh, on something kind of amusing. I thought it strange how Phil and I started arguing about philosophy a few weeks back. I thought that was really rare, which it is. But apparently Cody enjoys classical philosophy, I'm more into essence arguments (morals, god, validity of varying theories) and he likes the works of Plato and Aristotle. I just find it funny how the male friends I've been meeting since I got to Steller (not best friendships, more like a deeper than passing connection) all of them enjoy discussing philosophy, weird huh?
Any way I ought to be going, I've got 'work' to do.
All my Fondest ~ Jess