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Jan. 17th, 2005 02:39 pmWell, I am incredibly stupid. Truly, I'm not sure which is worse, being stupid or feeling like it. Any one who reads this can tell I have a crush on Cody. I was getting over it, and it's not like I 'burn' for him, no, it's like a crush I have on another friend, I will remain his friend and I'll be happy with that, but he'll make a few cameo appearances in my fantasies, maybe a guest staring role. I don't think this would have been such an issue had he not done two things, 1) hold me when I was upset (thus making me love him) and 2) grown a goatee, the little bastard!
Don't get me wrong, many men look horrible with facial hair (like my brother), many men should not be clean shaven (like my dad or Kerosky(sp?)) and then there are some that look good either way, I am afraid Cody (for me) falls in the latter.
That will be my burden I am afraid, old flames will re ignite for me when the retired objects of my affection look extraordinarily sexy (thank god Anthea is not like this, I might explode with three such cases).
The reason I feel so stupid is I've been hovering over the moon for the past few days (since he held me) because that traitorous bastard known as Hope had crept in and whispered that maybe the reason he seemed so much happier and attentive to me as of late was that he returned my affections in the smallest sense. Boy was I ever chasing a red-herring! The reason he's been so happy this week is last weekend he got back together with his ex. As a crush-er I am naturally predisposed to severely dislike her now, but as his friend (which I am despite the attraction thing) I am both happy and cautious on his behest. They broke up because she was a jealousy clingy bitch. That does not change in a few weeks, sorry but no. I hope it goes better for them this time, although secretly part of me wants her to turn out to be a self-hating lesbian that runs off with "As You Like It"s leading lady, and no I'm not the spiteful type, I'm female, so sue me.
This is my issue. I will whine about it on here but no one in real life (hate to say it my dears but none of you really have an effect on my day-to-day life (just my mental status and my emotional one) so you can't really do anything, except bitch at me) will be privy to such things, it's my life this is my problem and there is nothing anyone who 'knows' can do.
I sincerely dislike having feelings for anyone, most especially men. It just complicates everything. With girls I know where I stand, they're straight, I have no chance with them so I ought to just try to get over them. With Bi girls and straight guys I just don't know where I stand and it makes everything that much more - difficult.
Oh well, Mazel Tov to Cody and Miss (Betsy) Bell. Also my fondest wishes to any of my past flames. You all deserve happiness, and I hope fate acts accordingly.
My Fondest wishes for a prosperous Life,
Miss Jessica J.
Don't get me wrong, many men look horrible with facial hair (like my brother), many men should not be clean shaven (like my dad or Kerosky(sp?)) and then there are some that look good either way, I am afraid Cody (for me) falls in the latter.
That will be my burden I am afraid, old flames will re ignite for me when the retired objects of my affection look extraordinarily sexy (thank god Anthea is not like this, I might explode with three such cases).
The reason I feel so stupid is I've been hovering over the moon for the past few days (since he held me) because that traitorous bastard known as Hope had crept in and whispered that maybe the reason he seemed so much happier and attentive to me as of late was that he returned my affections in the smallest sense. Boy was I ever chasing a red-herring! The reason he's been so happy this week is last weekend he got back together with his ex. As a crush-er I am naturally predisposed to severely dislike her now, but as his friend (which I am despite the attraction thing) I am both happy and cautious on his behest. They broke up because she was a jealousy clingy bitch. That does not change in a few weeks, sorry but no. I hope it goes better for them this time, although secretly part of me wants her to turn out to be a self-hating lesbian that runs off with "As You Like It"s leading lady, and no I'm not the spiteful type, I'm female, so sue me.
This is my issue. I will whine about it on here but no one in real life (hate to say it my dears but none of you really have an effect on my day-to-day life (just my mental status and my emotional one) so you can't really do anything, except bitch at me) will be privy to such things, it's my life this is my problem and there is nothing anyone who 'knows' can do.
I sincerely dislike having feelings for anyone, most especially men. It just complicates everything. With girls I know where I stand, they're straight, I have no chance with them so I ought to just try to get over them. With Bi girls and straight guys I just don't know where I stand and it makes everything that much more - difficult.
Oh well, Mazel Tov to Cody and Miss (Betsy) Bell. Also my fondest wishes to any of my past flames. You all deserve happiness, and I hope fate acts accordingly.
My Fondest wishes for a prosperous Life,
Miss Jessica J.
