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polyhordeIt's only been, what, two weeks since my last confe- I mean update. Not that much should really happen in two weeks, and I suppose from an outside perspective nothing much has, but if you were in my head life is just a little different.
Intensives are done with until May. Astronomy was much more interesting than I had feared, I enjoyed myself. For my final project I did the night sky in January (translation: I took about four and a half hours punching holes of varying sizes through black cardboard) It actually looked really good with the white light behind it and I was the only presenter to use all of her time. We haven't gotten our grades yet so hopefully I did well last quarter.
We had registration and the first days of classes last week. This is the lightest class load I've ever had; I'm taking three, one of which I'm freaking teaching. Oh, my Peer Taught (Improv yet again), usually with PT's you have to scrimp and scrounge for students but since I have a few friends I usually get a fairly decent student load. On Wednesday (the day after Registration) I come in early to get my grade book and class list; I'm expecting about ten, fifteen on the outside. I got Freaking TWENTY! With a waiting list of FIVE more! Needless to say I had a mini-breakdown the ten minutes I had before class started. I decided to invite all students, including the wait list-ers to come to class and join us. Twenty-two came the first day and it was fun, kinda raunchy as it can sometimes be, but pleasant. I was erasing the message to my class I had written when a girl from the wait list read it and went "Oh no! I hadn't seen that. Do you have any more room? Please, please!" So I had her come try it the next day and I let her in. That afternoon another girl asked me if it was full. She came the next day and got in. Larry (my faculty sponsor) yelled at me for letting in so many students, I got back at him by coming in after school, looking all shame faced and went "Larry . . . I let in eight more." "EIGHT!" He looked like he was going to blow a valve so I told him to relax and that I was kidding. There are one or two people I'll have to talk to on Tuesday about maybe dropping out, provided I'll have the stomach for it. If I had less people I might let them stay because then I could work with more but with so many they'll fall through the cracks. Damn.
Continuing on. I tried out for Aladdin but since I never got a call I assumed I wasn't in it and since I'm friends with so many Westies and also I teched for Frankenstein I asked if I could tech for Al as well. Block said sure and it wasn't till I had been teching for a week that Erica (the assistant director and soft friend of mine) went "Jess, you know you're in the cast right?" "What? No I didn't know that." "Yeah. I thought you mustn't've since you didn't come to any of the rehearsals." I turned down her offer to official join the cast (much to the chagrin of my Mother and music teacher); I'm happy being the tech for the moment.
That week I also joined DDF, I'm doing Reader's Theater for the Tourney this Fri. /Sat., we picked the piece on Thurs. and have yet to even assign parts let alone run through it, we are so screwed.
Last year, when I first went to West and got into Beauty I naturally became friends with members of the cast. But all of them were soft friends, the "Hi, how're you? - Fine" kinda friends where you smile and wave and nothing more. This one guy who I thought I might actually become good friends with, I had seen him maybe three times in the last twelve months and we'd talked for no longer than five minutes at a time. He comes up to me at rehearsal, I was talking to Ellie, and he just leans against me. I wasn't creeped by the contact I was just confused as to why. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you." "Uh, what's wrong Darlin'? Can I do something for you?" "Nothing, I'm just glad to see you." "Oh, yeah, me too dear." We hugged and Ellie laughed at us, I'm still not sure why. Then we just got to talking about life and he swore me to secrecy, the sort of secret that if I were male and revealed they would take my balls off. The guild is off the lily at the moment, but it just blew my mind for a while, it's just so cool, and reveals a lot about men.
It's so weird, every since October it has become increasingly apparent to me that my life when it comes to relationships has been getting better. Like I had almost no male friends, and certainly no good ones, but lately . . . well here, let me put it this way. I was sitting with Ellie on the stage, just chatting, and I noticed my friend Tony (the guy I hadn't seen in a year and who we clicked suddenly like a day hadn't passed) getting up and leaving his friends to go, I assumed, to talk to another group of friends. He actually walked around them without even a nod and came straight to me. I just couldn't believe it but I'm not an idiot so we walked away from the others and sat and talked for a bit. He was in a terrible mood that day and there wasn't really anything I could do so I just sat with him. Another surprise - my friend Aaron came in, yet again, I assumed he was there to talk to his best friend Duncan and he did, for about a minute and then he spotted Tony and I and joined us. After Tony left for the pre-rehearsal lecture from Block Aaron and I sat and I made the comment of how surprised I was that I'm suddenly getting so much attention, he suggested that "maybe you've just gotten more self-confidence and your natural personality is shining through." So long as the attention is because they like me and not because they want something I'm not willing to give then I'm happy.
Saturday was fun, the afternoon . . . Well; I went to go see Brokeback Mountain with Anthea, Tony G. and Sarah W. The movie was good, it didn't hit me as deeply as I would have liked but it was lovely, it just pisses you off so badly at times. The main character single handedly manages to f*ck up the lives of his wife, his lover, his lover's wife, and his children. Grr! Anthea, was, as always, wonderful company but I felt bad because I acted like a bitch to Tony and Sarah. Sarah because I ignored her and Tony because I just didn't want to spend time alone with him. They are both very nice people but, by no fault of their own, I just can't be with them alone or for long, I don't know why and I feel badly but I just can't bring myself to do something about it. After the movie we went over to Wal*Mart and bought decorations for the GSA dance.
I wore my low riding black jeans, my 'single' tee, and a black satin shirt - I looked like a lesbo bitch with shimmering eye shadow, I was stoked (except for the flashes of pasty white when my shirt rode up), that was the most black I've worn in months.
I was the first Stellerite there, I recognized a few Chugiak people but it was mainly awkwardly helping them set up. Steller was under represented, there were only five of us there, but it was fun. I was the first person dancing. I dragged Ashton out with me and we grooved for a little while until the others joined us. One oddity of the GSA dances, how many straight people are there. It was gross, every where I looked boys were making out with girls, it was like any other dance, excluding the rainbows and the occasional gay couple. Tell me, why the hell would you go to a LGBT gathering looking for someone of the opposite sex? Uck.
Sierra came along with her boyfriend Joe. I made sure to dance with Joe since he was shy and embarrassed but instead of enjoying himself and loosening up he just hung his head and blushed so I took pity on him and let him sit in the corner the rest of the night. It was so much fun. I turned so gay and hyper I slapped Laura's ass as I walked by, I promptly hid behind Sierra when she hunted me down to glare at me threateningly. I danced like a slut with Laura, Ashton and Sierra. I was surprised that they were willing to but pleasantly so. I was very wary not to be too touchie-feelie with Ashton since I don't know her well and Laura since she's straight, but Sierra was fair game.
One of her goals for the evening it seemed was to make me uncomfortable. She'd grind her pelvis against me, slide her body along mine or rub our chests together all in an effort to make me blush. Thank goodness it was dark, I was cherry but you couldn't really tell. Needless to say I was enjoying the hell out of myself. There was one point in the evening where I was sitting with her and Joe, resting for a bit, and these two boys came over (so gay they should have been in vinyl) and the more outspoken of the two said "Hi, some friends of mine asked me to come over and talk to the hot girl in the corner." He ignored Joe and I completely, barely giving either of us a glance. Sierra, always attempting to make me more assured when it comes to my appearance, said since they wanted to talk to a hot girl she didn't know why they didn't talk to me. I blushed and denied it, she responded by kissing my cheek. I blushed more and told her to stop being stupid. She went to kiss my cheek again and knocked over my soda, I was quick to get a napkin to clean it up. She just smiled smugly, I was oh so tempted to show her up and kiss her square on the mouth, and if I hadn't been painfully aware of her boyfriend sitting three feet away I might have done just that.
I was in for one more major shock of the night. My bother's favorite line from the entirety of Dead Like Me goes like this: "Death is like sex in high school, if you knew how many times you'd missed having it you'd be in a coma." Sierra and I were dancing, more of the pelvic thrusty goodness I was just getting acquainted with, and I can't remember what led to it, I think she was saying something about how I ought to stop apologizing and accept the fact that I'm pretty. See, with friends you have to assure them that they are attractive whether you find them so or not. One time years ago I was sighing to my friend Jenny that I would never find anyone and she was quick to assure me that of course I would. "Really? Fine, well would you date me?" "Uh . . . well, if I was a guy and I knew you as well as I do, sure, I'd probably date you." Sierra said she thought I was attractive, but she said it in such a way that had a tint of something distinctly non-friendship to it. Since I've been learning how to dance I can give instructions without missing a step, trying to formulate sentences at that moment was so awkward I had to stand still. Once I'd clarified my question she told me that she would have dated me once upon a time but then we became such good friends, plus she's with Joe and also she's had friendships ruined by adding sex into it before. It just blew my mind, one of those "Holy shit" moments, here was this knee melt worthy girl who I wanted for the longest time (it drove me nuts being simultaneously her friend yet really tempted to sleep with her) and it turns out she wanted me too, that's just . . . Damn! She giggled at how awkward and flustered I was and attempted not to smile when I ordered her not to. It was one of the biggest compliments I have ever gotten in my life, and it just made me go, damn I am lucky to have you in my life. I love her so much, and isn't about sex or friendship, it's this odd mix of both that has in some twisted way evolved between us leaving, me at least, jumping at the chance to be with her whenever I can, especially if there is a chance for dancing. I'm looking forward to Prom next Saturday.
After the dance finished at ten I didn't want to say goodbye just yet so we went out to eat at Village Inn. I feel embarrassed talking about myself and my life because I'm the only one talking and I'm always worried that I'm making a fool out of myself and boring the listener. Sierra seems to genuinely like my stories, as hum-drum as they might be, and I do enjoy making her laugh.
Overall I think the past two weeks have gone exceptionally well. I can only hope the next one is as good.
Now I do believe I ought to go sleep, I have to get up early to head into town tomorrow. Joy. Much Love and Fuzz ~J
Intensives are done with until May. Astronomy was much more interesting than I had feared, I enjoyed myself. For my final project I did the night sky in January (translation: I took about four and a half hours punching holes of varying sizes through black cardboard) It actually looked really good with the white light behind it and I was the only presenter to use all of her time. We haven't gotten our grades yet so hopefully I did well last quarter.
We had registration and the first days of classes last week. This is the lightest class load I've ever had; I'm taking three, one of which I'm freaking teaching. Oh, my Peer Taught (Improv yet again), usually with PT's you have to scrimp and scrounge for students but since I have a few friends I usually get a fairly decent student load. On Wednesday (the day after Registration) I come in early to get my grade book and class list; I'm expecting about ten, fifteen on the outside. I got Freaking TWENTY! With a waiting list of FIVE more! Needless to say I had a mini-breakdown the ten minutes I had before class started. I decided to invite all students, including the wait list-ers to come to class and join us. Twenty-two came the first day and it was fun, kinda raunchy as it can sometimes be, but pleasant. I was erasing the message to my class I had written when a girl from the wait list read it and went "Oh no! I hadn't seen that. Do you have any more room? Please, please!" So I had her come try it the next day and I let her in. That afternoon another girl asked me if it was full. She came the next day and got in. Larry (my faculty sponsor) yelled at me for letting in so many students, I got back at him by coming in after school, looking all shame faced and went "Larry . . . I let in eight more." "EIGHT!" He looked like he was going to blow a valve so I told him to relax and that I was kidding. There are one or two people I'll have to talk to on Tuesday about maybe dropping out, provided I'll have the stomach for it. If I had less people I might let them stay because then I could work with more but with so many they'll fall through the cracks. Damn.
Continuing on. I tried out for Aladdin but since I never got a call I assumed I wasn't in it and since I'm friends with so many Westies and also I teched for Frankenstein I asked if I could tech for Al as well. Block said sure and it wasn't till I had been teching for a week that Erica (the assistant director and soft friend of mine) went "Jess, you know you're in the cast right?" "What? No I didn't know that." "Yeah. I thought you mustn't've since you didn't come to any of the rehearsals." I turned down her offer to official join the cast (much to the chagrin of my Mother and music teacher); I'm happy being the tech for the moment.
That week I also joined DDF, I'm doing Reader's Theater for the Tourney this Fri. /Sat., we picked the piece on Thurs. and have yet to even assign parts let alone run through it, we are so screwed.
Last year, when I first went to West and got into Beauty I naturally became friends with members of the cast. But all of them were soft friends, the "Hi, how're you? - Fine" kinda friends where you smile and wave and nothing more. This one guy who I thought I might actually become good friends with, I had seen him maybe three times in the last twelve months and we'd talked for no longer than five minutes at a time. He comes up to me at rehearsal, I was talking to Ellie, and he just leans against me. I wasn't creeped by the contact I was just confused as to why. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you." "Uh, what's wrong Darlin'? Can I do something for you?" "Nothing, I'm just glad to see you." "Oh, yeah, me too dear." We hugged and Ellie laughed at us, I'm still not sure why. Then we just got to talking about life and he swore me to secrecy, the sort of secret that if I were male and revealed they would take my balls off. The guild is off the lily at the moment, but it just blew my mind for a while, it's just so cool, and reveals a lot about men.
It's so weird, every since October it has become increasingly apparent to me that my life when it comes to relationships has been getting better. Like I had almost no male friends, and certainly no good ones, but lately . . . well here, let me put it this way. I was sitting with Ellie on the stage, just chatting, and I noticed my friend Tony (the guy I hadn't seen in a year and who we clicked suddenly like a day hadn't passed) getting up and leaving his friends to go, I assumed, to talk to another group of friends. He actually walked around them without even a nod and came straight to me. I just couldn't believe it but I'm not an idiot so we walked away from the others and sat and talked for a bit. He was in a terrible mood that day and there wasn't really anything I could do so I just sat with him. Another surprise - my friend Aaron came in, yet again, I assumed he was there to talk to his best friend Duncan and he did, for about a minute and then he spotted Tony and I and joined us. After Tony left for the pre-rehearsal lecture from Block Aaron and I sat and I made the comment of how surprised I was that I'm suddenly getting so much attention, he suggested that "maybe you've just gotten more self-confidence and your natural personality is shining through." So long as the attention is because they like me and not because they want something I'm not willing to give then I'm happy.
Saturday was fun, the afternoon . . . Well; I went to go see Brokeback Mountain with Anthea, Tony G. and Sarah W. The movie was good, it didn't hit me as deeply as I would have liked but it was lovely, it just pisses you off so badly at times. The main character single handedly manages to f*ck up the lives of his wife, his lover, his lover's wife, and his children. Grr! Anthea, was, as always, wonderful company but I felt bad because I acted like a bitch to Tony and Sarah. Sarah because I ignored her and Tony because I just didn't want to spend time alone with him. They are both very nice people but, by no fault of their own, I just can't be with them alone or for long, I don't know why and I feel badly but I just can't bring myself to do something about it. After the movie we went over to Wal*Mart and bought decorations for the GSA dance.
I wore my low riding black jeans, my 'single' tee, and a black satin shirt - I looked like a lesbo bitch with shimmering eye shadow, I was stoked (except for the flashes of pasty white when my shirt rode up), that was the most black I've worn in months.
I was the first Stellerite there, I recognized a few Chugiak people but it was mainly awkwardly helping them set up. Steller was under represented, there were only five of us there, but it was fun. I was the first person dancing. I dragged Ashton out with me and we grooved for a little while until the others joined us. One oddity of the GSA dances, how many straight people are there. It was gross, every where I looked boys were making out with girls, it was like any other dance, excluding the rainbows and the occasional gay couple. Tell me, why the hell would you go to a LGBT gathering looking for someone of the opposite sex? Uck.
Sierra came along with her boyfriend Joe. I made sure to dance with Joe since he was shy and embarrassed but instead of enjoying himself and loosening up he just hung his head and blushed so I took pity on him and let him sit in the corner the rest of the night. It was so much fun. I turned so gay and hyper I slapped Laura's ass as I walked by, I promptly hid behind Sierra when she hunted me down to glare at me threateningly. I danced like a slut with Laura, Ashton and Sierra. I was surprised that they were willing to but pleasantly so. I was very wary not to be too touchie-feelie with Ashton since I don't know her well and Laura since she's straight, but Sierra was fair game.
One of her goals for the evening it seemed was to make me uncomfortable. She'd grind her pelvis against me, slide her body along mine or rub our chests together all in an effort to make me blush. Thank goodness it was dark, I was cherry but you couldn't really tell. Needless to say I was enjoying the hell out of myself. There was one point in the evening where I was sitting with her and Joe, resting for a bit, and these two boys came over (so gay they should have been in vinyl) and the more outspoken of the two said "Hi, some friends of mine asked me to come over and talk to the hot girl in the corner." He ignored Joe and I completely, barely giving either of us a glance. Sierra, always attempting to make me more assured when it comes to my appearance, said since they wanted to talk to a hot girl she didn't know why they didn't talk to me. I blushed and denied it, she responded by kissing my cheek. I blushed more and told her to stop being stupid. She went to kiss my cheek again and knocked over my soda, I was quick to get a napkin to clean it up. She just smiled smugly, I was oh so tempted to show her up and kiss her square on the mouth, and if I hadn't been painfully aware of her boyfriend sitting three feet away I might have done just that.
I was in for one more major shock of the night. My bother's favorite line from the entirety of Dead Like Me goes like this: "Death is like sex in high school, if you knew how many times you'd missed having it you'd be in a coma." Sierra and I were dancing, more of the pelvic thrusty goodness I was just getting acquainted with, and I can't remember what led to it, I think she was saying something about how I ought to stop apologizing and accept the fact that I'm pretty. See, with friends you have to assure them that they are attractive whether you find them so or not. One time years ago I was sighing to my friend Jenny that I would never find anyone and she was quick to assure me that of course I would. "Really? Fine, well would you date me?" "Uh . . . well, if I was a guy and I knew you as well as I do, sure, I'd probably date you." Sierra said she thought I was attractive, but she said it in such a way that had a tint of something distinctly non-friendship to it. Since I've been learning how to dance I can give instructions without missing a step, trying to formulate sentences at that moment was so awkward I had to stand still. Once I'd clarified my question she told me that she would have dated me once upon a time but then we became such good friends, plus she's with Joe and also she's had friendships ruined by adding sex into it before. It just blew my mind, one of those "Holy shit" moments, here was this knee melt worthy girl who I wanted for the longest time (it drove me nuts being simultaneously her friend yet really tempted to sleep with her) and it turns out she wanted me too, that's just . . . Damn! She giggled at how awkward and flustered I was and attempted not to smile when I ordered her not to. It was one of the biggest compliments I have ever gotten in my life, and it just made me go, damn I am lucky to have you in my life. I love her so much, and isn't about sex or friendship, it's this odd mix of both that has in some twisted way evolved between us leaving, me at least, jumping at the chance to be with her whenever I can, especially if there is a chance for dancing. I'm looking forward to Prom next Saturday.
After the dance finished at ten I didn't want to say goodbye just yet so we went out to eat at Village Inn. I feel embarrassed talking about myself and my life because I'm the only one talking and I'm always worried that I'm making a fool out of myself and boring the listener. Sierra seems to genuinely like my stories, as hum-drum as they might be, and I do enjoy making her laugh.
Overall I think the past two weeks have gone exceptionally well. I can only hope the next one is as good.
Now I do believe I ought to go sleep, I have to get up early to head into town tomorrow. Joy. Much Love and Fuzz ~J
