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Brat 2.0 : now with more bitching action
May. 6th, 2008 10:49 amYears ago, back in my early high school years, I would listen to my male friends complain about their girlfriends. Specifically the things they would do or the games they would play that just left the boys tied-up in knots and uncertain what they were doing wrong. I didn't get it any better than they did, I thought the girls were being petty, stupid, childish and looking to get dumped for pulling stunts like that rather than sitting their boyfriends down and telling them what was up and how to go about fixing the problem. I swore I wouldn't ever behave that way, I was certain my thought process was to masculine to get that muddled.
Yeah, this weekend that fell through. In my defense as soon as I realized what I was doing I tried to stop, and for the most part I succeeded. Starting Friday nothing could please me: I looked drab despite the make up I had on, I did a mediocre job and was easily surpassed in talent by the other singers at the Cabaret, I was too fat to be pretty . . . on and on and on and on, thought like that just kept repeating and it made me irritable and insecure and just miserable. Our plans for the weekend didn't improve my mood.
On Saturday we went to go see Iron Man (the highlight of my day) and then didn't have time for lunch, or to go any where because we had to run off to Dave's friend's husband's retirement ceremony. We got lost and were stressing and it was actually scheduled for Sunday.
In an attempt to salvage my mood Dave drove us down to Bird Point (I had hoped to go walking around Valley of the Moon and enjoy the sunshine strolling and holding hands) it would have been lovely had it not been for the ridiculous amount of wind that almost bowled me over and went right through my sweater.
We went back to Anchorage and the bad weather followed so there was no chance of my lovely, lazy afternoon. It wasn't all bad, we went home and cuddled on the couch and watched Shrek, then I dropped him off at Coots so he could go to Charlotte's going away party while I killed time reading graphic novels at Barnes and Nobles.
I was determined to be unhappy and bitter about being left out. I was acting like a child and it irritated me.
Sunday things were better, we went to Brian's retirement. I was just as awkward and uncomfortable as I expected to be. Not only was I surrounded by people 10-20 years my seniors, all military, but the only youth I could have amused myself with has barely spoken ten words to me the two times I've met her. So I spent the entire hour and a half closely inspecting the murals, hiding behind Dave in an attempt at mingling, or buried deep in my book pretending I wasn't there.
I can be perfectly comfortable around 15-30 year olds, or small groups of 1-70 year olds but I'm so painfully shy around people where I am not the norm, either in age, experience, or personality.
Sunday was better all around, as Dave put it "you changed your tune. Yesterday it was 'I hate you, get away from me', I like today's tune much better" "Love you too, Panda." I was able to articulate what had been bothering me the days before and with some frame of reference and perspective neither of us were as temperamental as we were before - much more me than him, of course.
I just need to chill, life is stressful enough without adding drama.
Yeah, this weekend that fell through. In my defense as soon as I realized what I was doing I tried to stop, and for the most part I succeeded. Starting Friday nothing could please me: I looked drab despite the make up I had on, I did a mediocre job and was easily surpassed in talent by the other singers at the Cabaret, I was too fat to be pretty . . . on and on and on and on, thought like that just kept repeating and it made me irritable and insecure and just miserable. Our plans for the weekend didn't improve my mood.
On Saturday we went to go see Iron Man (the highlight of my day) and then didn't have time for lunch, or to go any where because we had to run off to Dave's friend's husband's retirement ceremony. We got lost and were stressing and it was actually scheduled for Sunday.
In an attempt to salvage my mood Dave drove us down to Bird Point (I had hoped to go walking around Valley of the Moon and enjoy the sunshine strolling and holding hands) it would have been lovely had it not been for the ridiculous amount of wind that almost bowled me over and went right through my sweater.
We went back to Anchorage and the bad weather followed so there was no chance of my lovely, lazy afternoon. It wasn't all bad, we went home and cuddled on the couch and watched Shrek, then I dropped him off at Coots so he could go to Charlotte's going away party while I killed time reading graphic novels at Barnes and Nobles.
I was determined to be unhappy and bitter about being left out. I was acting like a child and it irritated me.
Sunday things were better, we went to Brian's retirement. I was just as awkward and uncomfortable as I expected to be. Not only was I surrounded by people 10-20 years my seniors, all military, but the only youth I could have amused myself with has barely spoken ten words to me the two times I've met her. So I spent the entire hour and a half closely inspecting the murals, hiding behind Dave in an attempt at mingling, or buried deep in my book pretending I wasn't there.
I can be perfectly comfortable around 15-30 year olds, or small groups of 1-70 year olds but I'm so painfully shy around people where I am not the norm, either in age, experience, or personality.
Sunday was better all around, as Dave put it "you changed your tune. Yesterday it was 'I hate you, get away from me', I like today's tune much better" "Love you too, Panda." I was able to articulate what had been bothering me the days before and with some frame of reference and perspective neither of us were as temperamental as we were before - much more me than him, of course.
I just need to chill, life is stressful enough without adding drama.
