Damn, damn, damn, damn

I can't be falling in love with him . . . right, I can't. I mean come on, I haven't known him that long, and we're far too different. Certainly we have similar interests but that's all, I mean neither of us is physically attracted to the other - right? Well, ok, when I first met him I thought he was very attractive, charming even, and I can certainly admit that's still true now - but he doesn't feel anything for me but a budding friendship. So why does my heart rate speed up when I hear his voice on my messages, or why is it that I feel more comfortable calling him up and talking to him on the phone than I do with so many of my other, closer friends. What is it about him that makes me so cozy, like no subject is taboo and that nothing I could say would drive us apart beyond healing. Or how much fun it is to be teased by him and to tease him just as mercilessly. Maybe this is because of that flash of thought all those weeks ago - that I could spend the rest of my life in his company, discussing every subject, acquainting each other with new food, new music, new everything; and that after the surprises had ceased that I would still be perfectly content.
No not romantic love, not sexual - but maybe, just maybe love all the same.
I'm just crazy and it's far too late.
But damnit! He's the one that called me this morning, and even after we talked for an hour and a half he called back simply because he couldn't wait to see what I thought about the script he sent me. Damn, damn, damn . . . I just don't know what to do with that boy. When I next see him face to face, and alone, I'll talk to him . . . provided I don't chicken out and choose not to ruin a perfectly good friendship, but we'd be able to get over it, surely. Besides I am not in love with him, I've never been in love with anyone, let alone someone I don't know very well - despite whatever my phone bill says.
Damn.