Feb. 19th, 2009

Run Away!

Feb. 19th, 2009 04:18 pm
polyhorde: (Default)
Well, we've just eclipsed the year mark for crisavec and I living together, depending on if you mark it as the night I moved in suddenly and didn't leave or the day we bought our bed. I expected us to fall apart rather quickly, what with my annoyingly quirky behavior and Dave's introverted ways, but amazingly its been like breathing. I feel like I've been with him for years, in the good way, and I can no longer imagine not having him in my life. On Valentine's he asked me what I thought would come of it that first weekend when we met and flirted shamelessly - he didn't expect anything, he just thought I looked interesting and in want of company - in all honesty, and I told him as much, I was hoping for six months of fun conversations and a relatively clean break-up. I never expected when that cheerful, techno-dude came waddling over to me at the bar that I'd some day make a Prefinanced Panda out of him, or that I'd become his Prefinanced Pookie. We're a few months shy of two years and I'm still twitterpatted. Weird isn't it?

Overall life is going well, I still haven't grown up as much as I'd like. Being as close to my parents as I have been since high school I'm still accustomed to the lifestyle I was raised in, a lifestyle neither Dave nor I can possibly afford, even if we were to both work full time. I need to make that adjustment from being able to go-out whenever I feel like it, to having to pack a lunch every morning or else not have lunch that day. We want kids, and unless I suddenly get discovered and go platinum we'll have to make sacrifices and start saving NOW.

I am questioning getting married, not because I have any doubts that he's the Panda I want to be with for the rest of my life, but more so because I wonder if I'm doing him a disservice. I've never had to nickel and dime it, never had to save up for much of anything - I either got what I wanted or else I didn't want it that badly. Is someone whose financial philosophy is "you can't take it with you" or "what's the point of money if not to spend it" really ready to having a joint bank account, are they really prepared to be responsible for another person's financial well being? I'm just worried I still have a child's mentality and that I'm going to let him down someday because of that naivete.

On the plus side Dave came to photograph a rehearsal for the play I'm stage managing and is certain in his belief that I'll make a good mother. Like herding kittens, I swear. My director is driving me nuts - I think all of my SMing experience is just racking up names of people I will not be working with in the future. It's an . . . uh, interesting play, very artistic and I do like that it was a collaborative script, but its so blatantly biased it makes my brain die a little every time the curtain goes down. I'm ecstatic about my next project, auditions are Monday, it's the women of the Old Testament and their stories as told through acrobatics and ariel silk - imagine Cirque du Soeil: Genisus but on a much smaller budget.

Hello, my name is angie_di and I'm an obsessive personality - we're over a year away, and that's if we can afford it that soon, and I'm already looking at Nevada law, photographers, public land alcohol policies, making guests lists, looking at dress designs, thinking about fabrics and favors and all kinds of meaningless things. I'm at the point where I'm driving myself nuts let alone poor crisavec. It sucks that what makes me so good at my job, giving undivided attention to all of the details about one single event, should be keeping me up at night wondering what sort of deals I could make with the photographer and how to get power for lights and sound out to Eklutna.
I just felt like sharing a tidbit of the hell I'm putting crisavec through, feel free to give him your sympathies. And the instant he actually proposes I'll let you know in sickening detail (no I'm not getting ahead of myself, yes he is going to ask, the bastard has it planned but other than he's going to do it sometime this summer the twerp won't tell me a damn thing).

Much love - J

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Jess

August 2010

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